one year

Today marks a year ago that Clay was diagnosed with Stage 4 Large Cell B Lymphoma. At this time last year, they were not able to diagnose it, so we were just left with heavy hearts knowing that he had some rare form of cancer.

He is coming up on 8 months of remission. This too is a little celebration every month! There is much much to be grateful for and I truly can't believe how far we have come. Nonetheless, I feel a bit like Eeyore today with this tiny black cloud over me not really being able to think about those things.

I think it is just a fearful day. One that I have decided to allow myself to sit in because when it was all happening there was no time and a 5 week old who needed me. Clay and I were talking, while we are both beyond thankful for everything we are realizing there is much still going on in our hearts. Clay describes it as we were in the eye of the storm. Just trying to get through chemo treatments and reactions to it, living back and forth in Houston, dragging Hazel everywhere (not getting the most supportive looks from people in the hospital), adjusting to "normalcy" then. Now, by God's grace, we are in remission, we are in a much slower life, we can assess our thoughts, our feelings and our fears. So while there is no intention to dwell, or to forget the good, there is a need to mourn. Not to mourn because things are bad but mourn that world shaking event that we will both be forever changed by. And to be still in that.

candle find

Look what I found at HomeGoods :) they are selling the Caldrea line! I have been eyeing them for what feels like forever at target, but couldn't bring my self to buy any. Clearly it is already burned, and it smells amazing!

Mansfield is growing on me, my most favorite thing is having HomeGoods about 5 minutes away

:)

Hazel's first birthday

I could not believe it was already here when the 14th came.  The day before I kept saying things like "this time last year I was at work trying to breathe through contractions...."

Our baby is 1!  I am so thankful for my creative sister's awesome idea :)  Hazel loves little lambs and my sister Camille came up with the "theme."  She even painted an adorable little lamb that will go in her room! (need to find a picture of it) My friend Lizzie was able to be in town and helped me put things together.  Which all was perfect because Clay came down with shingles a couple of days before and was out for the count. (Please pray for him, it has been quite a few painful days)  It was so fun to have our family and friends there, we all had a blast!  

She loved getting hearing the "happy birthday," we sang it several times that day. 

Still do here and there. ;)

Happy birthday to our dear little girl! Who as I write this is desperate to go outside, her absolute fav right now....So I must run :)

11 months

I can not believe how fast these last 11 months have flown by.  Our little girl is desperate to walk, a speedy crawler {especially when she hears the word "bath," she drops whatever she is doing and moves as quickly as possible to her bathroom} she doesn't really cry much besides those fussy moments right before bedtime.  Talking to herself in her crib, her "alone time," is one of her favorite past times.

Some of her other favorites are, but not limited to:

-cheerios/ yogurt for snack time

-she understands she is not supposed to touch the Christmas tree so she just waves in that direction.  She will also come to me and wave to the tree when she wants me to pick her up and show her all the ornaments.  {we do this about 45x a day}

-when she finds leaves {dragged in by her furry, puppy sister} she is proud of her findings and lifts it up for us to see.  Of course, mischievously, if we don't notice she quickly puts it her mouth.

-high fives

-clapping for herself after she has done anything

-still adores elmo

-turning off light switches

-going with us to get the mail

-singing

-dancing

What an absolute joy she has been in our lives.  We both could not love or adore her more.  

Beautiful Cause

Friends, just wanted to share with you a link to what has become such an amazing blessing to Clay and I. We were contacted by the folks at Fotolanthropy a few months back. They had heard about our story this last year and that Clay was in remission. (For 5 months and 7 days, now btw!!!) They wanted to celebrate with us and give us such an incredible and special gift. It was a photo-session, a film of our story and so much more.

There are not words to express what a timely gift this was to us. Clay's hair had all grown back, we were finally out of the haze of hospital stays and settling into our new home in Mansfield. If you are interested in seeing the video click here

They are UNbelievably gifted and for them to share their talents with us was so awesome.

We were so humbled that they would ask us to be a part of their efforts that I wanted to share with you, if you are interested, with supporting them. So that they can continue to bless others who are in need, they are selling beautiful ornaments!! You can see the information here, as well as footage from when they debuted the film at our house with our families and friends. Please check it out!!

dresser

while i prob should apologize for the not so great phone pic, i was excited to show off this dresser. it had been sitting in my parents well house for nearly 20 years, collecting many gross things. inspired by this post i used a gloss smoke gray rust-oleum, and it worked fabulously! i had to work on scraping off the varnish {which for the record, i don't think i'll do ever again! talk about back breaking!} but this paint covers a lot of wrongs. the hardware was covered in rust so i had planned on using new hardware only to discover many of the drawers had different lengths between the holes. since it is not budget friendly to special order hardware or drill all new holes...i just soaked the old hardware in vinegar for a couple of days. it worked awesome!

a little spray paint and it was complete! so happy with this outcome, as well as we finally have a clean home! i had still been keeping my things in boxes until today :/ that is almost 3 months! so now we are box free and no clothes on the floor, my patient hubby is so thankful :)

hazel lately

Our darling little girl continues to change right in front of our eyes. Meet her best friend...

At 4 months I introduced Hazel to who would become my saving grace in the middle of night terrors, teething, difficult feedings and that uncontrollable fussy time. She immediately giggled. Since then she adores Elmo. Elmo songs, elmo dolls, elmo books, and anytime we ask where is elmo? If he is not on, she looks at the tv dissappointed. I have never known a child so young be so interested in a tv character. It makes the both of us laugh a lot.

She and I have been going on what I like to affectionately call "Mother daughter dates." Which is really just an excuse for me to go to girly places with her that her father wouldn't totally appreciate it. Here her titi (auntie) V is joining us for lunch. {btw all of these pictures her titi v took} I love the way our family loves this little girl.

"How big is Hazel?"

"Soooooo BIG!"

This is her response to anytime the word "big" is used. Big bites, big dogs, big girl, etc. I love it! {I also realize she is in her christmas pjs, just wanted her to use them before she out grew them :)}
She has been standing all by herself for a couple of months now but is still a little scared to take a step forward. She will walk all day long if she has something to hold on to. Her first few sounds were "dadada," and I think that sealed the deal for this papa here. We think we may have even heard a "hi, dada." Which only made me a tad jealous. She did start saying "nanana," that I took as mamama. Hazel is learning some signs, the one she has down is "all done," and she even says a-da.

Lastly this little girl can't get enough of books. She loves to open a book, especially the touch and feel books, and touch them and turns all the pages.

kisses



A very rare moment...this little one NEVER stays still. The only time she is cuddly is a little right before she goes to bed.